Should You Write Your Own Wedding Vows? The Pros and Cons of Making it Personal

Wedding vows are the heart and soul of the ceremony. They’re those magical moments where you and your future husband or wife stand before friends and family, gazing into each other’s eyes, and either deliver the most heartfelt speech of your life.

But should you go with the traditional vows, or write your own? 

If you’re torn between the two, you’re not alone! I was in the same boat during our destination wedding

The big question is: do you go for the heartfelt, custom vows or stick with the tried-and-true traditional ones? Let’s break down the pros and cons to help you decide!

A romantic beach wedding ceremony with a bride and groom holding hands, guided by an officiant.

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Pros of Writing Your Own Vows

1. Personal Touch 

Nothing says “I love you” like words straight from the heart. Writing your own vows is like penning a love letter you get to read aloud. You can recount the story of how you met, the quirks you adore (like their inability to fold laundry correctly), and your shared dreams.

It’s a chance to show off how well you know and love each other—and to make your guests go, “awwww.”

2. Emotional Impact 

Hearing vows written just for you can be incredibly moving. It’s a beautiful way to show your guests—and each other—the depth of your love. Expect a few happy tears (don’t forget the tissues and waterproof mascara!).

3. Full Creative Control 

Writing your vows gives you the freedom to include whatever you want—be it poetry, humour, or heartfelt promises. It’s your moment to shine and share your love in your own words.

4. A Keepsake Forever 

Your vows can become a cherished keepsake. Whether you write them in a journal or frame them later, having those words to look back on can be a lovely reminder of your special day.

Cons of Writing Your Own Vows

1. It Can Be Stressful (!!!)

Not everyone is a natural writer, and the pressure to come up with the perfect words can be overwhelming. You might find yourself staring at a blank page, wondering how to condense your love into a few sentences.

2. Time-Consuming 

Let’s be real: between cake tastings, dress fittings, and seating chart battles, who has time to become Shakespeare? Writing vows takes time—time you might prefer to spend binge-watching shows to decompress from wedding planning.

It’s one more thing on your already long to-do list.

3. Public Speaking Jitters 

Not everyone thrives under the spotlight. If the thought of speaking in front of a crowd makes your palms sweaty, personal vows might just push you over the edge. Nobody wants to be the person who hyperventilates or during their own wedding (or more realistically and to be expected: stumbling over words and getting emotional)!

4. Too Much Information? 

Sharing deeply personal feelings in front of a large audience might not be everyone’s cup of tea. Some couples prefer to keep those intimate thoughts private, and remember – there’s a fine line between sweet and oversharing!

Close-up of wedding rings resting on the pages of an open book, symbolizing love and commitment.

Pros of Traditional Vows

If you’re wondering what I did for our wedding, I went with the traditional vows! We had the option to choose between religious or non-religious, and they were simple and easy to repeat. I sometimes get nervous in front of people – I’m not sure I would’ve been able to speak my own handwritten vows!

1. Timeless and Classic 

Traditional vows have a classic charm and have stood the test of time. They’ve been used for generations, and there’s a certain comfort in their familiarity. Plus, you won’t accidentally forget your lines—unless you completely zone out (in which case, we have bigger problems!).

2. Less Pressure 

Using traditional vows means you don’t have to stress about writing the perfect words. They’re like the little black dress of weddings—simple, elegant, and always appropriate. You won’t have to worry about writer’s block and can focus on the moment.

3. Suitable for All Audiences 

Traditional vows are universally understood and appreciated, making them a safe choice if you’re concerned about how personal vows might be received by your guests.

4. Quick and Easy 

In the chaos of wedding planning, sometimes you just need one less thing to worry about. Traditional vows are straightforward, to the point, and won’t keep you up at night questioning whether you should have included that joke.

 I know I would’ve dwelled on the perfect vows and it would’ve been a huge source of stress for me.

Beautiful beach wedding altar with drapes and flowers against turquoise sea.

Cons of Traditional Vows

1. Cookie-Cutter Feel

While traditional vows are beautiful, they can sometimes feel a bit generic. If you’re the kind of couple who loves standing out from the crowd, reciting the same vows as everyone else might not feel special enough.

2. Less Emotional Connection 

For some, traditional vows might not hit the emotional high notes. They’re meaningful, sure, but they might not capture the specific reasons you fell for your partner—or the way they always know how to make you laugh when you’re having a bad day.

3. Missed Opportunity for Creativity 

Traditional vows follow a set formula, which means you’ll miss out on the chance to inject your personality into the ceremony. If you were hoping to serenade your partner with a spontaneous limerick, you’re out of luck.

Free stock photo of asian wedding rings

What’s Right for You?

Ultimately, whether you choose to write your own vows or go with traditional ones depends on your personality, comfort levels, and what feels right for your relationship. There’s no right or wrong choice—only what’s best for you and your partner.

If you’re feeling creative and want to share a deeply personal message, writing your own vows can make your ceremony even more special. On the other hand, if you prefer something timeless and stress-free, traditional vows are a beautiful option.

Whichever path you choose, remember: the vows are about your commitment to each other, and that’s what truly matters. 

What do you think? Are you leaning towards personalized promises or keeping it classic? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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shoud you write your own wedding vows
shoud you write your own wedding vows

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